ATTACK OF THE SPERMIES
by iamatwihard
Summary: When Isabel find out that she is secretly a gypsy, she changes her name to gyps, and befriends a large sea cow name Dugong. The sperm whales- the spermies are a force not to be reckoned with, and are famous for their notoriously large- *TBC*
1. Prologue

It was late evening when the spermies attacked.

Me and Pa were sitting out on the old sea ranch, as all the honourable manatees of Atlantic county do. Minding our own business we were, yes sir-ee. Minding our own busy bees wax.

Meanwhile, gyps the gypsy was watching from afar, waiting for the first sign of attack from those spermies. Even though the dugong family were unaware, gypsy knew the spermies plans. And she was ready for war.


	2. McGathy

**A/N: I'd like the thank everyone who made this possible. My family, my friends, and any other sea cow out there who oh so badly needs recognition and just does not get it. Also a special thankyou to my darling gypsy, who contributed a very special paragraph, a paragraph to which this would just not have been possible.**

**So let's raise our glass, and celebrate the whale dick- *huzzah***

**-4 HOURS PREVIOUS-**

Gyps was no ordinary gypsy, you see. Most gypsies from her village were actually friends with the spermies! To even think of befriending those fuckheads made shivers tingle down my fat, sea salt flavoured spine.

I shivered, and Pa noticed- he shivered also.

It was a collective problem with dugongs you see...just like when the regular muggles in human land yawn upon seeing another human yawn...us dugongs do the same when shivering.

I shivered.

Pa shivered.

I shivered.

Pa shivered.

And the gypsy could help but .

And by , I mean that gyps came over- mermaid form, and said hello to me and Pa.

Who were still shivering.

I exchanged a handshake with my dear old pal Gyps, and then my Pa offered her some buttered toast- I don't know a single soul who don't like no buttered toast. And this was no ordinary butter. It was lemon butter.

Lemon butter- the butter of kings.

Kings, but more importantly- sea cows.

And so the 3 of us sat, munching away at our lemon butter and jelly toasted sandwiches, watching the younger spermies play hopscotch.

Next to the fresh spermies were a few of Gyps' so called "friends" from the village, mucking around with some male spermies, if you know what I mean.

I swear I could hear that whore from over here. McGathy was really taking her home.

Apparently spermies have huge dicks.

As if I'm not packin'.

"Who do those sperm whales think they are?" Gyps raged, "fucking taking away the dugong's friends and shit."

She munched into her sandwich, as an attractive male whale looked her way.

"Fuck off," she told him.

The male was offended. He adjusted his hat, scratched his chin, took a piss, adjusted his male area, and then swam off.

"Damn spermies," I yelled, "PISSING ALL OVER MY FUCKING LAWN!"

"Aw shucks, don't be sour, duggy. They're all just pussies anyway", said Gyps.

We ate in silence, as I continued to size up McGathy's dick in comparison to mine.

Despite the fact that we were sitting over 200 metres away, and despite the fact that even 200 metres away, it looked bigger than the family dog, I don't think it was even that big.

I could almost see my own member from where I was sitting, 40cm away.

McGathy's got nothing on me.


	3. It's Own Gravitational Force

**A/N: Welcome to the second installment of ATTACK OF THE SPERMIES! I never thought this story would be so successful, I'm overwhelmed by all this positive response. As a writer of this ~intense ~poetry ~prose, I cannot thank you enough. **

**Brace yourselves, we're about to delve into Duggies dark, dark, past. It gets pretty angsty, so fair warning.**

**ALSO! Look out for some SPERMIEPOV the next update, courtesy of an unnamed Gypsy who shall not be named (just like Voldemort) until the next update.**

**-PRESENT-**

I remember the first time I met McGathy. It was the summer of 2003, and it was just after 2nd period gym class at the old' Atlantic High.

**-2003-**

It was right after a huge round of badminton, that I first noticed him.

All of the boys were getting changed in the locker room, and I was taking a dump.

During my dump, I noticed two sperm whales heading over to my toilet.

I wish they would wait- the turtle was almost out of the shell.

I noticed them because the door of the toilet was open. Don't worry- I knew the door was open the entire time...that's just the way things work around here. Kids dump in front of each other. It's is the way the cookie crumbles. Anyhow...

The two spermies advanced towards me, and as they got closer, I realised that it was not two spermies, no no no.

You see...

It was actually...

Truly...

ONE SPERMIE!

Only one spermie to be seen.

This other magnificant creature was gliding and gloriously flowing alongside McGathy, swaying in the warm sea current and glowing with power.

This other creature was McGathy's dick.

I kid you not.

His dick was almost as big as McGathy himself.

It was so big that everyone in the changing room stopped to stare at it.

It was so big that it reflected it's own visible light spectrum.

It was so big it had it's own gravitational pull- some of the smaller boys in the room were pulled to it and hovered around like a solar system.

It was so big that it reversed the speed of time, and sent it all backwards.

It was so big that it reversed this reversal of time, and made everything normal again.

Luckily.

It was so motherfucking big that it...made me hard?

Just as McGathy made his way to my toilet, and asked, "hey man, you got a spare roll?" It was then that I registered that he said 'spare'.

Spare, which rhymes with 'bare'.

Bare, which rhymes with 'pear'.

Pear, which then rhymes with 'Claire', which was the name of my outrageously hot ex-girlfriend.

It was upon this revelation that my dick sprang up, and rose a whole 60 millimetres.

I looked around the room, and without thinking screamed "HOLY FUCK MY DICK!"

The entire locker room turned around, and saw my gigantic boner- all 6 outrageous and rock hard centimetres of it, pointing up towards McGathy, thinking that his huge dick was Claire.

Ever since then I've been known as "dick licker" by the entire town.

The local newspaper even wrote an article about it:

_**LOCAL DUGONG NAMED DUG SPORTS MASSIVE ERECTION OVER GARGANTUAN PENIS**_

...I would've been okay with it if they hadn't included a picture of the erection in question.

Le sigh.

**-PRESENT-**

And 8 years later, the name has still stuck.

Damn dick licker.

**A/N: Review my dearest sea creatures! **


	4. Oh so Hot and Sticky

**A/N: Upon an ~overwhelming response, here is Spermies, chapter 4. We get really poetic in this chapter, so I would hold on to your horses and keep your hands inside of the vehicle, folks. Yee-har.**

Dear Diary,

Dug here (who else).

How are you today? Has your day been okay?

Because mine has been shit.

Not like you would understand. I mean, you're just a diary, you're not even real.

Do diaries have problems? Because, you know I don't wanna start writing in you if you can't relate to what I'm saying and get the groove I'm laying down catch the wave I'm riding sail the seas I'm seeing ride the magic carpet I'm riding eat the donut I'm eating stroke the -

You know what I mean?

Maybe I'll explain it to you in a way that you can understand…

Let's just say that a certain majestic sea creature named Dug (not me, the other sea manatee named Dug…of course, heh heh, yes…)…how about we call him "Diary".

Catch my drift?

Okay so "diary" has this really big crush on this _other _diary, and her name is… "Girl Diary"…no wait, that's too long…

Girl Diary

Girlary

Digirlary

Girlary

Diagirlarieah

Diarrhoea

Yes, okay so we'll go with "Diarrhoea".

So yes, so "Diary" has this huge crush on "Diarrhoea", and really wants to take her out. You know, somewhere nice where all the other Diaries take their Diarrhoea. Some place nice, that Diarrhoea wouldn't be ashamed to be seen in (she's a very good looking Diarrhoea, this one).

So Diary today thought to himself that he could take her somewhere upscale, somewhere like that new fancy restaurant with the golden arches. McSpermies' or whatever.

Because Diary thought that maybe Diarrhoea would let Diary have some fun together. Diary really thought that if he could just get to talk to Diarrhoea, then maybe he could get her interested. Diary knew that if he got Diarrhoea nice and hot he could really get her going. Diary had heard from his other friends how good Diarrhoea was when heated. All hot and sticky Diarrhoea.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

_Hot and sticky Diarrhoea_.

Anyway_._

Amidst all this excitement and diarrhoea, it appears as though I have just tripled myself. And whilst I would love to stay and chat, this mess will not clean itself.

Sigh.

Yours sincerely,

Your friendly neighbourhood sea cow.

...

**A/N: And so the plot thickens.**

**Don't know what 'tripling' is? Enlighten yourself, but remove the brackets first****: **

**http(:)/youtu(.)be/zmwMCuN3gWM**

**Thankyou, come again.**

**^^That's what she said.**


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